I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
