Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
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She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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