She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
