And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's never too late to be topless.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
