there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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