It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
