My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
nutella sex= disaster
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
