Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
