I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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