the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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