...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
