don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
