Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
