The maid of honor just puked.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
