I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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