Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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