i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
