She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
