I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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