i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
