Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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