Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
