hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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