So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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