I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish you could order shots online.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
