You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize