i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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