I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
