Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
