dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
