Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So much rum. So many feels.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
