Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
