there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
