Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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