I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
