What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
