well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
