I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
