My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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