I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
