Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
