Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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