you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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