No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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