Porn is love you can see.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
