you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
