The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
