just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
