Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
