ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
