The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
