Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
