There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
