I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
