Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
