Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
