The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
