im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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