Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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