Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
