i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
