Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
