i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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