My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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