Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
