Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
