is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
