Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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