Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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