I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
