My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
