so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
