Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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