He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
