Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
