Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
