My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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