i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
