i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Acid is not a monday night drug
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
