like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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